My struggle with Postpartum depression.

              So as many of you close to me know that for the last 5 months I have been struggling with Postpartum depression. This has been one of the biggest struggles of my whole life. I have never had depression before and had no idea what was happening to me for a long time. I am choosing to share this publicly because I am not ashamed and would like to help others going through similar situations or who will eventually go through similar situations. This kind of depression is caused from having a baby and messes with your hormones and chemical imbalance.
             
               It all started one in a half months after my second baby Kensington was born. I felt like I was going crazy! I was getting scary thoughts, felt hopeless, and sad. I luckily spoke up to my husband about it and got help from a doctor right away. I felt like this would never end and that I would never be myself again. I later learned this is one of the major ways of thinking of those who have Postpartum.

             Let me first begin by explaining the 3 different types of Postpartum:

Depression: all or more of the symptoms listed below, lasts longer than a couple of weeks! The baby blues are common but should go away after a couple of weeks.
OCD: Having constant thoughts of harming your baby. These thoughts are invasive and uncontrollable.
Physcosis: Having thoughts of harming your baby and feeling the need to act upon them.(Luckily I didn't have this one)

Symptoms of PPD can occur anytime in the first year postpartum.^[6] These include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Sadness^[6]
• Hopelessness^[6]
• Low self-esteem^[6]
• Feeling less loved by partner
• Guilt^[6]
• A feeling of being overwhelmed
• Sleep and eating disturbances^[6]
• Inability to be comforted^[6]
• Exhaustion^[6]
• Emptiness^[6]
• Anhedonia^[6]
• Social withdrawal^[6]
• Low or no energy^[6]
• Becoming easily frustrated^[6]
• Feeling inadequate in taking care of the baby^[6]
• Impaired speech and writing
• Spells of anger towards others
• Increased anxiety or panic attacks
• Decreased sex drive – see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression

              So many woman go through postpartum depression and many don't come out about it because they are ashamed. It is not a character flaw but a hormonal imbalance that effects your mood and also chemicals in your brain. If you are experiencing these any or all of the above symptoms you should contact your OBGYN right away. In my case it has taken months to get rid of and I am finally getting back to feeling like myself again.

  

             For those of you who feel helpless, alone, and scared I know how you feel. Don't give up! Stay close to your family and those things you know to be true. I wouldn't have been able to get through this without my Heavenly Father, family, and friends. It is a process and you feel completely empty somedays, stay positive! Dont push out those you love. Excercise and good nutrition are key in getting better, as well as plenty of sleep. You will get better!!!!!! Even if this helps just one person it will be worth it.

              I am so grateful to be a member of my church! I am apart of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints, otherwise known and "Mormon." This is one of the main reasons I made it through this! If anyone wants to learn more about if please reach out to me!!

            My sister sent me this and it helped me a bunch!

A little update on life:)

             Sooo I haven't posted in 4 months! I know I am a slacker but I do have some good excuses. In the past four months my husband graduated from BYUI, got into grad school, and we moved to Idaho Falls so Kelin could start the accounting program at ISU. Not to mention juggling two kids while doing all of that! We are finally settled into our new apartment and Kelin will be starting grad school on the 20th! He is really looking forward to that!
           We are enjoying our new family ward because their are lots of kids Kennedy's age so she is happy too:)! Their are lots of young moms with kids my kids ages which is nice. We even meet once a week for play group. We also joined a co-op that meets every other week and one couple babysits the other couples kids so they can go on dates. So basically you babysit once and and then get to go on 4 dates! We are going to love that! It is quite different to be out of the bubble I must say! You would think IF wouldn't be much different but let me just tell you it is! All of our neighbors smoke and I hear swear words almost everytime I step out of the house. Not to say our neighbors are bad people, most are actually really nice! I am just saying it is much different from living in the Burg. And I do miss my cute friends from Rexy. It is finally getting to be warm outside and I have been putting that double jogging stroller to good use! I am going to start actually "jogging" with it soon!
              So other than that nothing much is new! Our girls are growing faster than ever and are so stinking cute I cant take it. I worry constantly about being a good enough mom for them! Being a mommy is tough stuff! But I know Heavenly Father will continue to direct me as long as I stay close to him! Here are are some recent pics..