My girls

          So tonight I wanted to talk a little about my baby Kensington. She is almost nine months old! I feel like I used to update much more on Kennedy when she was growing up because I had much more free time! So I wanted to take a  few minutes to talk about my sweet Kensi. First of all, she is one good baby! She hardly ever complains unless she is hungry, that girl LOVES food! She is not picky at all, unlike Kennedy. She looks up to Kennedy so much and is constantly trying to do everything big sister is doing. She used to be a cuddle bug but is slowly growing out of that! She is always on the go. Her favorite snack is gold fish and she HATES getting her diaper changed. She loves to go on walks in the double jogging stroller around the mall, and the park. She is saying da da already! We are working on ma ma. She is constantly smiling and cooing. She has a very tender spirit and will cry if you look at her the wrong way. People must think we hurt this poor girl the way she cries at times. Kensi eats everything in sight, food or otherwise. Our first trip to the ER consisted of her eating one of Kennedy's candy wrappers. Kensi is a bright light in our lives. Its so fun to have her and Kennedy so close together. I love my girls so much. Kennedy is always helping me and is such a good girl. I really am blessed. Being a mommy is so hard at times but so worth it! I rely on the Lord in all things but especially parenting. Sometimes I have no idea what I am doing but all I can do is lean on him to make up for the things I canno't do on my own. I have a testimony of my Savior and it grows stronger everyday raising his beautiful children. How lucky I am to be a mom to these sweet little girls.

A few of my favorite things..

               So lately Pinterest has been my obsession. Not for recipes or diy crafts but for the fashion. I absolutely love fashion and have always wanted to be in the retail buisness. Being a mommy is higher on my rank of things to do however:)! But I would love to have some sort of fashion blog. Maybe someday..Here are a few of the looks I am obsessed with right now below. Oversized colorful blouses, booties, blazers, chevron, and classic black on black. Fhahaljalkdfj I am in love. And yes this is what I do on my free time while my girls are napping:)

Lovely summertime!!

        For the 4th of July my family came up and stayed with us! It was way fun and we all enjoyed the fire works together. Besides Kensi and Kelin who stayed home for obvious reasons. Kelin just finished his first semester of grad school! Only 3 more left..woo woo! Not to mention he got A's in all of his classes. That boy is one smart man. I am very proud of my hunny. My girls are just as darling and tan as ever lol! They are starting to play together which is just darling. I am soo in love with my little family. I have been feeling back to myself and am really enjoying life:)! Life is so beautiful and I am grateful for all I have and the people in my life! I will try to post more regularly with more pics when life slows down a bit:)

My struggle with Postpartum depression.

              So as many of you close to me know that for the last 5 months I have been struggling with Postpartum depression. This has been one of the biggest struggles of my whole life. I have never had depression before and had no idea what was happening to me for a long time. I am choosing to share this publicly because I am not ashamed and would like to help others going through similar situations or who will eventually go through similar situations. This kind of depression is caused from having a baby and messes with your hormones and chemical imbalance.
             
               It all started one in a half months after my second baby Kensington was born. I felt like I was going crazy! I was getting scary thoughts, felt hopeless, and sad. I luckily spoke up to my husband about it and got help from a doctor right away. I felt like this would never end and that I would never be myself again. I later learned this is one of the major ways of thinking of those who have Postpartum.

             Let me first begin by explaining the 3 different types of Postpartum:

Depression: all or more of the symptoms listed below, lasts longer than a couple of weeks! The baby blues are common but should go away after a couple of weeks.
OCD: Having constant thoughts of harming your baby. These thoughts are invasive and uncontrollable.
Physcosis: Having thoughts of harming your baby and feeling the need to act upon them.(Luckily I didn't have this one)

Symptoms of PPD can occur anytime in the first year postpartum.^[6] These include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Sadness^[6]
• Hopelessness^[6]
• Low self-esteem^[6]
• Feeling less loved by partner
• Guilt^[6]
• A feeling of being overwhelmed
• Sleep and eating disturbances^[6]
• Inability to be comforted^[6]
• Exhaustion^[6]
• Emptiness^[6]
• Anhedonia^[6]
• Social withdrawal^[6]
• Low or no energy^[6]
• Becoming easily frustrated^[6]
• Feeling inadequate in taking care of the baby^[6]
• Impaired speech and writing
• Spells of anger towards others
• Increased anxiety or panic attacks
• Decreased sex drive – see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postpartum_depression

              So many woman go through postpartum depression and many don't come out about it because they are ashamed. It is not a character flaw but a hormonal imbalance that effects your mood and also chemicals in your brain. If you are experiencing these any or all of the above symptoms you should contact your OBGYN right away. In my case it has taken months to get rid of and I am finally getting back to feeling like myself again.

  

             For those of you who feel helpless, alone, and scared I know how you feel. Don't give up! Stay close to your family and those things you know to be true. I wouldn't have been able to get through this without my Heavenly Father, family, and friends. It is a process and you feel completely empty somedays, stay positive! Dont push out those you love. Excercise and good nutrition are key in getting better, as well as plenty of sleep. You will get better!!!!!! Even if this helps just one person it will be worth it.

              I am so grateful to be a member of my church! I am apart of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day saints, otherwise known and "Mormon." This is one of the main reasons I made it through this! If anyone wants to learn more about if please reach out to me!!

            My sister sent me this and it helped me a bunch!

A little update on life:)

             Sooo I haven't posted in 4 months! I know I am a slacker but I do have some good excuses. In the past four months my husband graduated from BYUI, got into grad school, and we moved to Idaho Falls so Kelin could start the accounting program at ISU. Not to mention juggling two kids while doing all of that! We are finally settled into our new apartment and Kelin will be starting grad school on the 20th! He is really looking forward to that!
           We are enjoying our new family ward because their are lots of kids Kennedy's age so she is happy too:)! Their are lots of young moms with kids my kids ages which is nice. We even meet once a week for play group. We also joined a co-op that meets every other week and one couple babysits the other couples kids so they can go on dates. So basically you babysit once and and then get to go on 4 dates! We are going to love that! It is quite different to be out of the bubble I must say! You would think IF wouldn't be much different but let me just tell you it is! All of our neighbors smoke and I hear swear words almost everytime I step out of the house. Not to say our neighbors are bad people, most are actually really nice! I am just saying it is much different from living in the Burg. And I do miss my cute friends from Rexy. It is finally getting to be warm outside and I have been putting that double jogging stroller to good use! I am going to start actually "jogging" with it soon!
              So other than that nothing much is new! Our girls are growing faster than ever and are so stinking cute I cant take it. I worry constantly about being a good enough mom for them! Being a mommy is tough stuff! But I know Heavenly Father will continue to direct me as long as I stay close to him! Here are are some recent pics..